The best one of the week I got ...

The Haircut

One day a florist went to a barber for a haircut. After the cut, he asked about his bill, and the barber replied, 'I cannot accept money from you, I'm doing community service this week.' The florist was pleased and left the shop. When the barber went to open his shop the next morning, there was a 'thank you' card and a dozen roses waiting for him at his door.

Later, a cop comes in for a haircut, and when he tries to pay his bill, the barber again replied, 'I cannot accept money from you , I'm doing community service this week.' The cop was happy and left the shop. The next morning when the barber went to open up, there was a 'thank you' card and a dozen donuts waiting for him at his door.

Then a Member of Parliament came in for a haircut, and when he went to pay his bill, the barber again replied, 'I can not accept money from you. I'm doing community service this week.' The Member of Parliament was very happy and left the shop. The next morning, when the barber went to open up, there were a dozen other Members of Parliament lined up waiting for a free haircut.

And that, my friends, illustrates the fundamental difference between the citizens of our country and the politicians who run it.

BOTH POLITICIANS AND DIAPERS

NEED TO BE CHANGED OFTEN

AND

FOR THE SAME REASON!

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A 54 year old woman! :)

A 54 year old woman had a heart attack and was taken to the hospital.

While on the operating table she had a near death experience.. Seeing God

she asked "Is my time up?"

God said, "No, you have another 43 years, 2 months and 8 days to live."

Upon recovery, the woman decided to stay in the hospital and have a

face-lift, liposuction, breast implants and a tummy tuck.

She even had someone come in and change her hair color and brighten her

teeth! Since she had so much more time to live, she figured she might as

well make the most of it.

After her last operation, she was released from the hospital. While crossing

the street on her way home, she was killed by an ambulance.

Arriving in front of God, she demanded, "I thought you said I had

another 43 years? Why didn't you pull me from out of the path of the

ambulance?"

(You'll love this)

God replied: "Shit! I didn't recognize you."

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"Spaghetti"

An interesting forward I received recently ...Hope you enjoy :)

SPAGHETTI

For several years, a man was having an affair with an Italian woman.

One night, she confided in him that she was pregnant. Not wanting to Ruin his reputation or his marriage, he paid her a large sum of money if she Would go to Italy to secretly have the child..

If she stayed in Italy To raise the child, he would also provide child support until the child Turned 18.

She agreed, but asked how he would know when the baby was born.

To keep it discrete, he told her to simply mail him a post card, And Write 'Spaghetti' on the back. He would then arrange for the Child Support payment to begin.

One day, about 9 months later, he came home to his confused wife.

'You received a very strange postcard today,' she said.

'Oh, just give it to me and I'll explain it later,' he replied. The Wife obeyed.

And watched as her husband read the card, turned white, and fainted.

On the card was written:

Spaghetti, Spaghetti, Spaghetti, Spaghetti, Spaghetti.

Three with meatballs, two without.

Send extra sauce.

Enjoy More: http://funlok. com/index. php/table/ jokes/

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Caution to all those who e-mail

Hi all,

This is a message that every one of us who has an e-mail ID must read. Sometimes, when you have certain forwards, there is a list of e-mail IDs above the forwarded message, and it is absolutely unsafe to have e-mail IDs revealed like this. If A forwards a message to B after writing B's ID in the To column and B forwards it to C, who passes it on to D, F and G who are unknown to B without rubbing B's ID, then B's ID will be revveled to D, F, G and to all others who recieve the message, if even D, F and G don't erase the previous IDs.

So not forget to erase the list of IDs. Also, use the show BCC option for forwards - even if it's just one person who will be recieving it.

Thank you ...and forward this to all your friends with their IDs on BCC!

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Fw: Why?

Why, Why, Why,


Why do we press harder on a remote control when we know the batteries are almost dead?



Why do banks charge a fee on 'insufficient funds' when they already know there is not enough money?


Why does someone
believe you when you say there are four billion stars; but have to check when you say the paint is still wet?


Why doesn't Tarzan have a beard?


Why does Superman stop bullets with his chest, but ducks when you throw a revolver at him?


Why do Kamikaze pilots wear helmets?


Whose idea was it to put an 'S' in the word 'lisp'?


If people evolved from apes,
why are there still apes?


Why is it that no matter what colour bubble bath you use the bubbles are always white?


Is there ever a day that mattresses
are not on sale?


Why do people constantly return to the refrigerator with hopes that something new to eat will have materialized?


Why do people keep running over a string a dozen times with their vacuum cleaner, then reach down, pick it up, examine it, then put it down to give the vacuum one more chance?


Why is it that no plastic bag will open from the end on your first try?


How do those dead bugs get into those enclosed light fixtures?


When we are in the supermarket and someone rams our ankle with a shopping cart then apologizes for doing so, why do we say, 'It's all right?' Well, it isn't all right, so why don't we say, 'That really hurt, why don't you watch where you're going?'


Why is it that whenever you attempt to catch something that's falling off the table you always manage to knock something else over?


In winter why do we try to keep the house as warm as it was in summer when we complained about the heat?


How come you never hear father-in-law jokes?


And my FAVORITE.... ..
The statistics on sanity is that one out of every four persons is suffering from some sort of mental illness. Think of your three best friends -- if they're okay, then it's you.



~~~Now send this on to your friends and make them smile too!~~~

****A day without a smile is like a day without sunshine!*** *

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Socorta Island

Forwarded message:

It is of Rare Landscape on Earth Socotra is one of those "lost world" islands (separated from the world six million years ago) where intrepid travelers - particularly those seeking exotic nature and wildlife in a remote tropical setting..... When you look around, it's hard to believe that places like this still exist. It is like being on a different planet .... These pictures and information are excellent Viewing and reading. Socotra Island : you have to see it to believe it . This island simply blows away any notion about what is considered "normal" for a landscape on Earth. Imagine waking up on the Socotra Island and taking a good look around you. After a yelp of disbelief, you'd be inclined to think you were transported to another planet - or traveled to another era of Earth's history. The second would be closer to the truth for this island, which is part of a group of 4 islands, has been geographically isolated from mainland Africa for the last 6 or 7 million years. Like the Galapagos Islands , this island is teeming with 700 extremely rare species of flora and fauna, a full 1/3 of which are endemic, I.e. Found nowhere else on Earth. The climate is harsh, hot and dry, and yet - the most amazing plant life thrives there. Situated in the Indian Ocean 250 km from Somalia and 340 km from Yemen, the wide sandy beaches rise to limestone plateaus full of caves (some 7 kilometers in length) and mountains up to 1525 meters high. The name Socotra is derived from a Sanscrit name, meaning "The Island of Bliss "... We almost tempted to call Socotra the other "Mountains of Madness" - the trees and plants of this island were preserved thru the long geological isolation, some varieties being 20 million years old... We begin with the dracena cinnibaris or Dragon's Blood Tree, the source of valuable resin for varnishes, dyes, and "cure-all" medicine; also (predictably) used in medieval ritual magic and alchemy - The branches spread out into the sky and from below appear to hover over the landscape like so many flying saucers... And from above they have a distinct mushroom look: There is also the Desert Rose (adenium obesium) which looks like nothing so much as a blooming elephant leg: Dorstenia gigas - apparently does not require any soil and sinks roots straight into the bare rock: Somewhat similar to the weird Dorstenia gigas, is this "bucha" vegetable, found as far north as Croatia. Also found in Socotra 's landscape is the ever-strange and extremely rare Cucumber Tree (dendrosicyos socotranum) Getting around can be a challenge, as there are almost no roads Despite the fact that this island has around 40,000 inhabitants, the Yemeni government put in the first roads just 2 years ago - after negotiations with UNESCO, which has declared this island a World Natural Heritage Site. It is a quiet and peaceful enclave in an otherwise troubled world. If you decide to visit there, you can forget about beachfront hotels and restaurants; this island is geared towards Eco-tourism and sustaining the local economy and way of life. This island is a birder's paradise as well, with 140 different species of birds; 10 of which are not found anywhere else in the world. A unique Socotra warbler, sunbird, starling, bunting, sparrow and cisticola are among the ones found here. There are also Socotra Cormorants: There are diving tours available ... To give you a glimpse of Socotra's and Yemen's in general totally unique architecture, check out this place located on the mainland: Al Hajarah, Yemen - Walled city in the mist Socotra is one of those "lost world" islands (separated from the world six million years ago) where intrepid travelers - particularly those seeking exotic nature and wildlife in a remote tropical setting - with that less -than-endangered species, tourists. Known for decades as the Galapagos of the Indian Ocean, it's the world's tenth richest island for endemic plant species. And the biggest island in the Middle East 125 kilometers in length and 45 kilometers across. Meanwhile the landscape is one of contrasts, for example, it has isolated nature preserves with dazzling wildlife (including 900 species of plants, and the famous Dragon's Blood Tree "dracaena cinnabara"and the some of rarest birds that exist nowhere else in the world), and picturesque sandy beaches.

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Fw:Some interesting signs

Sorry the attachment was missing. I am attaching it now

# Sign on a railway station at Patna :
Aana free, jaana free,
pakde gaye to khana free.


# Seen on a famous beauty parlor in Bombay :
Don't whistle at the girl going out from here.
She may be your grandmother!




# Seen on a bulletin board:
Success is relative
More the success, more the relatives.



# Sign at a barber's saloon in Juhu, Bombay :
we need your heads to run our business.



# A traffic slogan:
Don't let your kids drive if they are not old enough - or else they never will be.....




#THE BEST ONE :
Its God's responsibility to forgive the terrorist organizations
It's our responsibility to arrange the meeting between them and god.'
- Indian Armed Forces -

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Fw: A beautiful message from George Carlin

A Beautiful message from George Carlin

Isn't it amazing that George Carlin - comedian of the 70's and 80's - could write something so very eloquent...and so very appropriate.
The paradox of our time in history is that

· We have taller buildings but shorter tempers,

· Wider Freeways , but narrower viewpoints.

· We spend more, but have less, we buy more, but enjoy less.

· We have bigger houses and smaller families, more conveniences, but less time.

· We have more degrees but less sense, more knowledge, but less judgment, more experts, yet more problems, more medicine, but less wellness.

· We drink too much, smoke too much, spend too recklessly, laugh too little, drive too fast, get too angry, stay up too late, get up too tired, read too little, watch TV too much, and pray too seldom.

· We have multiplied our possessions, but reduced our values. We talk too much, love too seldom, and hate too often.

· We've learned how to make a living, but not a life.

· We've added years to life not life to years.

· We've been all the way to the moon and back, but have trouble crossing the street to meet a new neighbor.

· We conquered outer space but not inner space. We've done larger things, but not better things.

· We've cleaned up the air, but polluted the soul.

· We've conquered the atom, but not our prejudice.

· We write more, but learn less.

· We plan more, but accomplish less.

· We've learned to rush, but not to wait.

· We build more computers to hold more information, to produce more copies than ever, but we communicate less and less.

These are the times of fast foods and slow digestion, big men and small character, steep profits and shallow relationships.
These are the days of two incomes but more divorce, fancier houses, but broken homes.
These are days of quick trips, disposable diapers, throwaway morality, one night stands, overweight bodies, and pills that do everything from cheer, to quiet, to kill.
It is a time when there is much in the showroom window and nothing in the stockroom. A time when technology can bring this letter to you, and a time when you can choose either to share this insight, or to just hit delete...
Remember; spend some time with your loved ones, because they are not going to be around forever.
Remember, say a kind word to someone who looks up to you in awe, because that little person soon will grow up and leave your side.
Remember, to give a warm hug to the one next to you, because that is the only treasure you can give with your heart and it doesn't cost a cent.
Remember, to say, 'I love you' to your partner and your loved ones, but most of all mean it. An embrace will mend hurt when it comes from deep inside of you.
Remember to hold hands and cherish the moment for someday that person will not be there again.
Give time to love, give time to speak! And give time to share the precious thoughts in your mind.
AND ALWAYS REMEMBER:
Life is not measured by the number of breaths we take, but by the moments that take our breath away.
If you don't send this to other people....Who cares?
George Carlin

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Fw: A beautiful message from George Carlin

A Beautiful message from George Carlin

Isn't it amazing that George Carlin - comedian of the 70's and 80's - could write something so very eloquent...and so very appropriate.
The paradox of our time in history is that

· We have taller buildings but shorter tempers,

· Wider Freeways , but narrower viewpoints.

· We spend more, but have less, we buy more, but enjoy less.

· We have bigger houses and smaller families, more conveniences, but less time.

· We have more degrees but less sense, more knowledge, but less judgment, more experts, yet more problems, more medicine, but less wellness.

· We drink too much, smoke too much, spend too recklessly, laugh too little, drive too fast, get too angry, stay up too late, get up too tired, read too little, watch TV too much, and pray too seldom.

· We have multiplied our possessions, but reduced our values. We talk too much, love too seldom, and hate too often.

· We've learned how to make a living, but not a life.

· We've added years to life not life to years.

· We've been all the way to the moon and back, but have trouble crossing the street to meet a new neighbor.

· We conquered outer space but not inner space. We've done larger things, but not better things.

· We've cleaned up the air, but polluted the soul.

· We've conquered the atom, but not our prejudice.

· We write more, but learn less.

· We plan more, but accomplish less.

· We've learned to rush, but not to wait.

· We build more computers to hold more information, to produce more copies than ever, but we communicate less and less.

These are the times of fast foods and slow digestion, big men and small character, steep profits and shallow relationships.
These are the days of two incomes but more divorce, fancier houses, but broken homes.
These are days of quick trips, disposable diapers, throwaway morality, one night stands, overweight bodies, and pills that do everything from cheer, to quiet, to kill.
It is a time when there is much in the showroom window and nothing in the stockroom. A time when technology can bring this letter to you, and a time when you can choose either to share this insight, or to just hit delete...
Remember; spend some time with your loved ones, because they are not going to be around forever.
Remember, say a kind word to someone who looks up to you in awe, because that little person soon will grow up and leave your side.
Remember, to give a warm hug to the one next to you, because that is the only treasure you can give with your heart and it doesn't cost a cent.
Remember, to say, 'I love you' to your partner and your loved ones, but most of all mean it. An embrace will mend hurt when it comes from deep inside of you.
Remember to hold hands and cherish the moment for someday that person will not be there again.
Give time to love, give time to speak! And give time to share the precious thoughts in your mind.
AND ALWAYS REMEMBER:
Life is not measured by the number of breaths we take, but by the moments that take our breath away.
If you don't send this to other people....Who cares?
George Carlin

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A very nice forward

Try this out.

13837 * your age * 73 = !!!!!!

It doesn’t work beyond 99.

Cheers!

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Fw: One of the best interviews

One of the best interviews!! !
Interviewer: Tell me about yourself.

Candidate: I am Rameshwar Kulkarni. I did my Tele Communication engineering from BabanRao Dhole-Patil Institute of Technology.

Interviewer: BabanRao Dhole-Patil Institute of Technology? I had never heard of this college before!

Candidate: Great! Even I had not heard of it before getting an admission into it ..
What happened is - due to cricket world cup I scored badly! in 12th.I was getting a paid seat in a good college. But my father said (I prefer to call him 'baap') - "I can not invest so much of money".(The baap actually said - "I will never waste so much of money on you"). So I had to join this college. Frankly
speaking this name - BabanRao Dhole-Patil, can at the most be related to a Shetakari Mahavidyalaya.

Interviewer: ok, ok. It seems you have taken 6 years to complete your engineering.

Candidate: Actually I tried my best to finish it in 4 years. But you know, these cricket matches and football world cup, and tennis tournaments. It is difficult to concentrate. So I flunked in 2nd and 3rd year. So in all I took 4 + 2 = 7 years.

Interviewer: But 4+2 is 6.

Candidate: Oh, is it? You know I always had KT in maths. But I will try to keep this in mind. 4+2 is 6, good, thanks. These cricket matches really affect exams a lot. I think they should ban it.

Interviewer: Good to know that you want cricket matches to be banned.

Candidate: No, no... I am talking about Exams!!

Interviewer: Ok, What is your biggest achievement in life?

Candidate: Obviously, completing my Engineering. My mom never thought I would complete it. In fact, when i flunked in 3rd year, she was looking for a job for me in BEST (Bus corporation in Maharashtra) through some relative.

Interviewer: Do you have any plans of higher study?

Candidate: he he he.. Are you kidding? Completing 'lower' education itself was so much of pain!!

Interviewer: Let's talk about technical stuff. On which platforms have you worked?

Candidate: Well, I work at SEEPZ, so you can say Andheri is my current platform. Earlier I was at Vashi center. So Vashi was my platform then. As you can see I have experience of different platforms! (Vashi and Andheri are the places in Mumbai)

Interviewer: And which languages have you used?

Candidate: Marathi, Hindi, English. By the way, I can keep quiet in German, French, Russian and many other languages.

Interviewer: Why VC is better than VB?

Candidate: It is a common sense - C comes after B. So VC is a higher version than VB. I heard very soon they are coming up with a new language VD!

Interviewer: Do you know anything about Assembly Language?

Candidate: Well, I have not heard of it. But I guess, this is the language our ministers and MPs use in assembly.

Interviewer: What is your general project experience?

Candidate: My general experience about projects is - most of th! e times they are in pipeline!

Interviewer: Can you tell me about your current job?

Candidate: Sure, Currently I am working for Bata InfoTech ltd. Since joining BIL, I am on Bench. Before joining BIL, I used to think that Bench was another software like Windows.

Interviewer: Do you have any project management experience?

Candidate: No, but I gues! s it shouldn't be difficult. I know Word and Excel. I can talk a lot. I know how to dial for International phone call and use speaker facility. And very important - I know few words like - 'Showstoppers ' , 'hotfixes', 'SEI-CMM','quality' ,'versioncon trol','deadlines' , 'Customer Satisfaction' etc. Also I can blame others for my
mistakes!

Interviewer: What are your expectations from our company?

Candidate: Not much.
1. I should at least get 40,000 in hand.
2. I would like to work on a live EJB project. But it should not have deadlines. I personally feel that pressure affects natural talent.
3. I believe in flexi-timings.
4. Dress code is against basic freedom, so I would like to wear t-shirt and jeans.
5. We must have sat-sun off. I will suggest Wednesday off also, so as to avoid breakdown due to overwork.
6. I would like to go abroad 3 times a year on short term preferably 1-2 months) assignments. Personally I prefer US, Australia and Europe. But considering the fact that there is a world cup in West Indies in 2007, I don't mind going there in that period. As you can see I am modest and don't have many expectations. So can I assume my selection?

Interviewer: he he he ha ha ha. Thanks for your interest in our organization. In fact I was never entertained so much before. Welcome to INFOSYS

John George K

Accounts Officer

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Fw: Mothers don't care how famous their kids are

Mothers Don't Care How Famous You Are...........

Mona Lisa's Mother: 'After all that money your father and I spent on your braces, is that the biggest smile you can give us?'

Columbus's Mother: 'I don't care what you've discovered, you still could have written !'

Michelangelo's' Mother: ' Can't you paint on walls like other children? Do you have any idea how hard it is to get that stuff off the ceiling?'

Napoleon's Mother: 'All right, if you aren't hiding your report card inside your jacket, take your hand out of there and show me.'

Abraham Lincoln's Mother:' Again with the stovepipe hat? Can't you just wear a baseball cap like the other kids?'

Mary's Mother:' I'm not upset your lamb followed you to school, but I would like to know how he got a better grade than you.

Albert Einstein's Mother:' But it's your senior picture. Can't you do something about your hair? Styling gel, mousse, something...?'

George Washington's Mother: The next time I catch you throwing money across the Potomac, you can kiss your allowance good-bye.'

Jonah's Mother':' that's a nice story. Now tell me where you've really been for the last three days.'

Thomas Edison's Mother:' Of course I'm proud that you invented the electric bulb. Now turn it off and get to bed.'

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